Pranks on a Potions Master
by Greyelf
Summary: The weasleys return to play one last prank on a certain professor.
1. Conversations with Potter

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, the honorable JK Rowling does, but I wish I did own it.  
  
Warnings: Nothing yet. Although it is meant to be funny, so expect my usual insanity.  
  
Summary: The Weasley Twins return to play a few pranks on a certain greasy professor.  
  
A/N: This is more of a 'what if' story than anything else. Expect evil Snape and Weasley twin Mayhem.  
  
~*Ron's POV*~  
  
I was walking back over to the castle with Harry and 'Mione when I spotted them. The. I thought they'd left for good, I mean they seemed to have been doing quite well at Diagon Alley. They had the finest dragon leather, they had more bsuiness than ever. I knew they enjoyed making new joke items, so why were they here again? Maybe I was seeing things . . .   
  
"Hello Little Bro" said a rather lazy voice. I heard Hermione gasp and new she must have turned and saw them. I saw her nudge Harry frantically. Harry's jaw dropped.  
  
"Oh Fred, George!" she said. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Got a bit bored, didn't we?" said Fred.  
  
"Oh sure, making new items was fun . . ." said George  
  
"At least for a while."  
  
"But we longed for something more."  
  
"A chance to get our revenge."  
  
"On a rather slimy git."  
  
"Who happens to teach potions."  
  
I gasped "You'e crazy! You came back just for that?"  
  
They both shrugged at once. "Not so much for that." said Fred. "We came to help a few students with pulling it off." said George.  
  
"We needed to train our sucessors" said Fred.  
  
"And judging by the competition for the top prankster after we left . . ."  
  
"It will be appreciated. Sadly since that Umbridge woman left . . ."  
  
"We haven't had someone to pick on."  
  
Hermione sighed. 'That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Snape will kill you for starters. And he's a member of the Order, so he can't be do bad. I don't think the adults will be too happy with you."  
  
"We reckon different." said George. "It won't be us pulling the pranks. And no matter what Dumbledore says about Snape he's still a slimy git."  
  
"But you can't have come back just for that." argued Hermione. "They won't even let you . . ."  
  
"Oh, we think they will." said Fred. "Because our primary reason for being here it that we came with an adult. Our father Ronnie boy."  
  
"Oh." was all I said.  
  
"Oh Ron." said Hermione. "No way they'll listen to me. Tell them it's stupid."  
  
"Well." I informed them. "If anyone asks I had nothing to do with this."  
  
"Oh Ron!" squealed Hermione. "We're prefects!"  
  
"I'm not telling on them." I told her, my voice cool. I wasn't going to tell on them. If mum decided to kill them that was their fault, they knew what she was capable of. And they were adults now, they knew better. Besides, I certainly wasn't going to stop Snape getting what he deserved. Not after what he did to me and Harry.  
  
Hermione sighed, but said nothing more to me. 'Don't you dare tell." I told her. She turned shook her head "Well of course if you don't." she said. She turned around and stalked off. Harry shrugged. "Maybe it's not such a good idea. It's mean."  
  
'Why" I asked, my jaw dropping. After all Snape had done to Harry? "This is meant for you I bet." I told him. "After all he's done to you, and your father?"  
  
Harry looked extremely uncomfortable. "It's just something that I found out."  
  
I shook my head, mostly in disbelief however. "We all suffered, 'specially you. Whatever he suffered doesn't give Snape the right to be like that. He deserves a little joke."  
  
Harry looked nervous now. I wondered what was up with him. Fred raised a hand. 'I mean, if you don't think we should you don't have to be a part . . ."  
  
"You're trivializing what he's been through, I mean I've only known what the Cruatious curse feels like a little, but well it's not about that." he said angrily. "It's about something I saw in his pensieve. "  
  
"You saw inside Snape's pensieve?" said George. He looked excited at the thought. I couldn't understand Harry's behaviour.  
  
"Yes" he said defensively "I mean I still hate Snape, and it doesn't justify anything really but I feel a little sorry for him now that I've thought about it and understand a bit more. I mean, my father wasn't a very good man then I guess in that memory." He sighed. 'Please don't ask me to explain."  
  
"One memory doesn't mean much." said Fred.  
  
"I mean Harry" I told him. 'Last year you were angry, now you're really timid about this. What happened?"  
  
"I'll tell you . . ." he paused at the look on our faces. We all looked like jackals ready to pounce. "I'll tell you some of it now" he finished.  
  
"Well, all I can tell you is that I had a little chat with Dumbledore. He told me a few things that's all. i was really angry at him, smashed most of his office." H elooked ashamed. "I'm not so much timid as I guess I don't get angry as easily about certain things. We have a battle ehad and I guess that's all we have to worry about right now."  
  
I nodded. Poor Harry! But that still didn't explain why we shouldn't play some pranks. I told him so.  
  
'Well, just don't get caught organizing, even if you don't do anything" he said. "And please nothing mean okay."  
  
Fred and george nodded to him. "So." said Fred. "Want to go up to the castle and see Mr. Weasley?"  
  
A/N: next chapter is where it gets funny. It got a little bit more serious than I expected, but the pranks start next chapter so it shold be a little crazy. 


	2. The Torment of Purple Hair

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, the honorable JK Rowling does, but I wish I did own it.  
  
Warnings: Nothing yet. Although it is meant to be funny, so expect my usual insanity.  
  
Summary: In which Severeus Snape washes his hair, for a good reason.  
  
A/N: This is more of a 'what if' story than anything else. Expect evil Snape and Weasley twin Mayhem.  
  
~*Snape's POV*~  
  
There was an itch. It was on my head. I couldn't scratch it. Or maybe I could. Should I bother? The itch was becoming more and more insistent. A part of me wondered vaguely if it was worth the effort of getting up to teach, and then I realized it being a week-end I didn't have to get up to teach at all. No demolished cauldrons compliments of that irritatingly incompetent Longbottom. Good.  
  
Damn itch! Now it was very insistent. So I scratched it, contemplating why my hair, or rather my head should itch so badly. Lice? Other parasitic beings? Disgusting beasties crawling around in my beloved hair? I loved my hair, and contrary to the student's popular belief I washed it frequently. Not that it seemed to help it much. I immediately summoned mirrors over and examined my hair in depth. Well, I was going to do that, but I dropped the mirrors when I saw my hair. It was purple, and the fiddly spell seemed to be the source of the itching. Of course I knew right then and there washing it would do squat, and ordinary spells wouldn't work either. Nevertheless I had to try.  
  
I crossed over to the bathroom and began washing it furiously. My entire head hurt like crazy and no changes at all. I positively refused to walk about like this! my stomach lt out a growl. Okay, I could deal with missing breakfast. More growling. Okay, No I couldn't. When I find the person who did this they will feverantly wish they had never been born. I have 5 goals in life. 1) Aquire the DADA position. 2) Wipe that smirk permanently off of Lucius Malfoy's face. 3) Terroize students to the point of insanity. 4) Stop having to teach incompetents. 5) Seriously diss the Dark Lord and get away with it.  
  
Of course all of these goals require voldemort to be gone, well not gone before I can insult him, but at least defeated and safetly under control. Of course when i explained to Dumbledore he pretended he didn't hear and made it like I was just being courageous and noble (more like stupid and arrogant, think Gryffindors). My main goal was to take over the world but then I realized it would be tiresome. My other goals were 1) Get rid of the Weasley twis 2) Get rid of Potter. I gave up on ever getting that awful Potter to go away, and the Twins are gone so that is over at least.  
  
Purple hair. Still not over ths shock, I force myself to walk out into the Dungeons. if it wasn't an awful bright vivid purple of a poor shade I would not mind so much. No one around, good. I walk towards the Great hall, aware of the fact that I willeventually reach the part where I will not be able to hide. Whoever was responsible was going to die slowly and painfully. I would gouge their heart out with a spoon. (A/N: Reference to Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves with the popular Sheriff played by Alan Rickman, aka Snape. Or Maybe he should gouge it out wiiiiiith a . . . herring!)  
  
It was like those blasted Weasley twins were back. I mean, they are talented, but how much better is it to have them selling highly inventive very clever joke items by the ton? Granted, it came in handy against that awful Umbridge woman. As I walked out into the crowded room full of students eatting I felt their eyes on me and ehard their laughter. I did not bother to glare at them, but the amused look on Dumbledore'd face was more than I could possibly bear.  
  
My eyes fell to the table where there sat a few guests. Two guests I recognized immediately. My worst nightmare. THEM. They were suppossed to be gone. I felt myself grow angrier and angrier. Accompied by their balding muggle-lover of a father with the distinctive fiery hair they looked almost smug. I could guess why. 


	3. No Sympathy from Dumbledore

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, the honorable JK Rowling does, but I wish I did own it.  
  
Warnings: Nothing yet. Although it is meant to be funny, so expect my usual insanity.  
  
Summary: Snape has to deal with the embarrassment of purple hair.  
  
A/N: I am not sure if I should add more to the planned ending. There will probably be 2 more chapters. I apologize for the short chapters.  
  
~*Dumbledore's POV*~  
  
"I . . ." began Severeus. A series of hisses and spluttering of anger issued forth from the plainly distraught professor. I looked back at Snape. My amusement at his situation was obvious. Especially to one such as him, who could sense emotions with ease. He looked embarrassed, angry and confused.  
  
"My hair" he practically wailed. Now this was rather out of character. I find this most amusing, coming from the harshest and most stoic of any of anyone at Hogwarts, student or teacher. I wonder if he's noted the fact that his hair is behaving for once. Severeus has hair issues, the more he washes it the greasier it likes to get. Unfortunately when he doesn't wash it, and I note he doesn't often, it becomes rather nastier than if he had washed it. It is essentially a trade-off between looking greasy and actually being horrible.  
  
I note that the Weasley twins seemed to think that his hair needed to be short, less greasy looking, and of a rather lovely shade of purple.  
  
"Ah yes Severeus, can I do anything for you?" More furious spluttering issued forth. He was snarling, his black eyes were glaring at me with fury I had not seen in a long time. His hair was his pride and joy, despite its normal behavior. I think he could have stood anything but the hair.  
  
"THEY DID THIS!" he screamed.  
  
"Who?" I asked amicably.  
  
"THEM!!!!!" he yelped.  
  
"Ah, I trust you are referring to the twins." This was confirmed by a series of snarls. I nodded and offered him a lemon drop, but he stared at the candy dish with a look that suggested poison. "I'm afraid you cannot prove anything Severeus, as the twins have been with their father since their arrival."  
  
His jaw dropped, and he looked like he was going to respond with real words, but then he quickly shut it again.  
  
"However, it should be noted that the twins do have a large series of followers. Maybe you could ask around. Good day to you." 


	4. The Unholy Terror of a Fangirl

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, the honorable JK Rowling does, but I wish I did own it.  
  
Warnings: Nothing yet. Although it is meant to be funny, so expect my usual insanity.  
  
Summary: Snape has to now deal with a fangirl . . .  
  
A/N: Sorry, I just had to add this. Please note that we will not find out more about purple hair for a bit, neither will we find out how the twins do at their job or what else they will pull for a few chapters.  
  
~*Ron's POV*~  
  
"So." I say, trying to look nonchalant. 'What are we doing to Snape next?"  
  
"Well we were thinking about what could be worse than purple hair." said Fred  
  
"And it suddenly occurred to us that only one thing is worse." said George  
  
"A fangirl!" said Fred.  
  
The though of Snape having fangirls is frightening. Plus the fact that they are not immediately disgusted by his personality and looks means that they're virtually unstoppable. Oh the horror!!!   
  
"Excellent." I say.  
  
"Dean Thomas had found a rather ditzy almost entirely perfect blond who is more annoying than anything we have ever seen in our lives." said George.  
  
A/N: Oh the terror of a Mary Sue! And she's Snape obsessed.  
  
Fred nodded. "I can just imagine her trying to glomp Snape."  
  
"She has a right dirty little mind too." said George.  
  
I nod. The idea of Snape being glomped by a fangirl made me laugh. I hope she tried it when he was coming downstairs. That would be painful. "Good idea." I tell them.  
  
"C'mon." George tells me, sounding excited. "Let's go watch."  
  
I follow them carefully up to the corridor outside Snape's classroom. He is walking down, unaware of the fate that will befall him. We stay up against the wall, well out of the way, but still able to see everything clearly.  
  
Snape pauses, still sulking about his hair, when he is tackled and knocked over by something yellowish and frizzy. It appears to be a girl of about seventeen dressed in bright pink robes with little purple hearts. She is beautiful, with perfect make-up and a very nice body. However, this does not seem to affect Snape in any way.  
  
She squeaks at him and attempts to snuggle while he pushes her away as much as he can while minimizing touching her horrible pink robes. She is so annoying it is no wonder he hates her, and judging by her manners she isn't all that bright. She is however very strong and very obsessed with Snape. In the end he compromises by walking out with her attached to his waist, head towards Dumbledore's office, which was where he came from as far as I know.  
  
Me and my brothers all double up laughing. It is a combination of Snape's irritation and helplessness that make us roar. And of course there is he fact that watching that her 'attack' Snape with love on her mind was the most amusing thing I've ever seen. Few fangirls are like that, but they make up for it in sheer numbers. I pity Sirius and Lupin who seem to have the most of anyone. Not as if that Harry doesn't get his share.  
  
I wonder if someday Snape and Lupin and Harry realize they can grab Sirius and tie him up for the fangirls to find and escape themselves.  
  
We all head to our next classes, with Fred and George waving good-bye and head off to do whatever they came here for to begin with. I hear them talking on their way back up.  
  
"Excellent, we should now proceed to our meeting and then after that somebody wants to involve Malfoy in it . . ." 


	5. Dumbledore Makes a Tiny Mistake

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, the honorable JK Rowling does, but I wish I did own it.  
  
Warnings: Nothing yet. Although it is meant to be funny, so expect my usual insanity.  
  
Summary: Draco is next, and Snape gets his revenge, sort of.  
  
A/N: Watch out for seriously messed-up Snape. This conclusion is really, really crazy . . .  
  
~*Dumbledore's POV*~  
  
This was the second time just this morning I have had to see Snape. First it was the purple hair that nothing could get rid of. Flitwick said it was a very good charm, it would take a month to wear off, but he couldn't help Snape. I do suspect Flitwick was simply supporting the Weasley Twins (their new official title) in encouraging jokes.  
  
As I watched Snape stand in front of my desk, a girl wrapped firmly around his waist nuzzling him, I felt pity. He was stuck with this, whatever it was.  
  
"Sit down please." I told him. He sat down, glad to no longer be dragged down by the girl affixed to him. She promptly clambered onto his lap and began to try to plant kisses on his cheeks, while he sat fending her off. She was oblivious to him and merely shifted herself.  
  
This was something I felt confident about. I could deal with this absolute terror. I was well liked, but being old and not appealing in this way was a definite blessing,  
  
"She's hampering my wand use." Severeus hissed. "And all the other teachers are far too amused to aid me in any way." I chuckled while he glared back at me.  
  
I took out my wand and yelled "DECONFUZZLIFY!" Okay, no reaction. She was acting of her own free will, which was both good and bad. Good because that meant students were not responsible for this, but bad because it made things harder to deal with.  
  
Once again I pointed my want. This time I yelled out "VARNISHIFY!"  
  
Immediately the room smelled of shoe-polish and Snape stood there shaking, covered from head to toe in magical varnish.  
  
"Whoops." I said happily. "It was my mistake."   
  
I redid the spell. "VANISHIFY!"  
  
Immediately both Snape and the girl vanished.  
  
"Oh dear, oh dear." I said to myself.  
  
"Filch?" I yelled. "I did you know what again!"  
  
Filch dashed into my office looking smug,  
  
"I accidentally vanished Snape, he should be somewhere in the school with a blond-haired girl." I told him.  
  
~*Harry's POV*~  
  
"OY!" shouted Ron. "Harry!"  
  
"What." I said.  
  
"They found Snape."  
  
"Huh . . ?" What about finding Snape. Was I supposed to care? I mean . . .  
  
"Stuffed inside a broom closet." He sniggers. "Got rid of the fangirl, but he's covered in dust."  
  
Fred and George dashed by. 'Worked better than we thought!" they both said. "And Snape's memory has been wiped by Dumbledore so he doesn't remember anything, Dumbledore 'accidentally' wiped too much." Fred told me and Ron.  
  
"Can't figure out why he has purple hair" said George. "Really confused."  
  
"Malfoy is next." Said Fred.  
  
"When that nasty little git enters the classroom both he and Snape are going to be covered in buckets of algae from . . ."  
  
At that moment Snape walked down the corridor. Fred looked up. 'What is up with him?" he asked. Snape was laughing.  
  
"Hello." He said to George. "Like my new hair?" He danced a bit.  
  
"Are you okay sir?" I asked.  
  
"Oh yes fine, Mr. Pottit."  
  
"Memory wipe." Hissed Fred. "Obviously affected more than Dumbledore realized . . ."  
  
"Let's see how much." George said to me, obviously thinking of something to irritate Snape with.  
  
"OY SNAPEYBOY!" shouted George. "DRACO MALFOY IS AN UGLY GIT!"  
  
Snape nodded to George in an agreeable manner. He then looked at George like he and George were long lost cousins. He gave him a big hug, while we all stared at Snape, all of us in total shock.  
  
"I know he is, his father's a big rich spoiled pig too." He bounced up and down uncharacteristically. "I stuffed Draco into the girl's toilet, the one where Moaning Myrtle haunts. Last I saw him he was trying to get himself out while she screamed at him."  
  
I had nothing to say to this, and not even one of the twins could speak. Snape gave a victorious laugh, giggled suddenly and informed us in a very secretive voice "I told Voldemort he could go boil his ugly head, I wasn't working for him anymore." 


End file.
